Public Speaking

I had a comment from a reader, the answers to which could help you over the holiday season and beyond.

“If you have tips to help an introverted perfectionist to slow down a bit and get out of her own head, that would be a true holiday miracle.” She clarified “When it’s my turn, I have no idea what to say. My brain turns off and I’m only thinking about what other people think about me! Instead of sharing my thoughts, my brain becomes completely frozen.”

There’s a whole lot going on in that situation, so this’ll take the next few posts. Today, I’m going to deal with ‘what other people think’.

Yes, we worry about what other people think of us. Humans are hard-wired for connection. The disapproval of others could, historically, indicate that we were about to be ejected from our tribe, out into the wilderness, where we would be a tasty snack. Your brain is still working that old system and is trying to keep you safe by giving you static.

Here are some things to think about when ‘what other people think’ looms and your brain starts to shut up shop.

(The first one is sad for those of us who enjoy public speaking but it can be a giant relief to those who don’t.)

1. We just don’t warrant that much attention 🤯

Most people are too busy being the stars of their own lives to pay forensic attention to what you’re saying. It takes work to get people to listen well.
You should try to do well but let me release you from the spectre of everyone judging you minutely.

2. Notes are your friend – use them well

Bypass your brain. There is no shame in having your ideas set out in front of you: bullet points, pictures, hieroglyphs, whatever works for you. Just remember to look up at us regularly.

3. Most people want you to succeed

Deal with what’s actually in front of you. Who in your audience are you worried about and what, specifically, do you think will happen? Play out the worst-case scenario and see how realistic it is. Then improve what you can. (Come and see me; I love worst-case scenarios!)

4. Get feedback from someone you trust

I mean someone you trust to give you constructive feedback, not someone who will just smile and say you were great. The person you’re after will point out your strengths and tell you the concrete things you can improve.