Emotional and Stress-Eating, Life Coaching

If you’re also reading my public speaking blogs, you’ll see that one of them has a similar heading to this one. Apparently, we need permission for things…

It stops me in my tracks every time an emotional or stress-eating client says to me, “Am I allowed to do that?” That’s because it’s often asked in response to us discussing things many people wouldn’t think twice about doing. If someone feels like they aren’t allowed to do something they want to, they will often deal with the emotions that brings up by eating.

Here are some examples. If you need ‘permission’, this is it. Give yourself a ‘mission’ to do these things if you want to. You might, of course, run up against consequences but dealing with them is another skill to learn.

(If you are in an unsafe situation, these suggestions are not immediately for you. Safety is your first priority.)

1. You’re allowed to decide what you want

The ability to do decide what we want can have been squashed out of us as kids when someone in charge made the decisions and accepted no arguments, negotiations or discussions.

If you’re hesitant about deciding what you want, start looking for small things, where your choice has little effect on other people. Start building that muscle slowly. It might be what colour you’re going to wear today, or whether you walk or take the bus.

Make a few decisions like that and notice if there are any consequences. If there are, pay attention to whether you’re already able to handle those.

2. You’re allowed to ask for what you want

If your requests were consistently turned down when you were younger, your brain is likely to be in the rut of expecting to never being able to get what you’ve asked for. Check if that’s still the case now that you’re older.

Firstly, check if you actually need to ask anyone for what you want. If you do, ask with the expectation that you will get it. Be prepared to negotiate if it’s important to you. There might be a way to get what you want that you can’t anticipate yet.

If this part makes you nervous, practise / role-play asking for what you want with a trusted friend before you try it out on the person you’re actually going to ask. Hearing the words come out of your own mouth can give you confidence.

3. You’re allowed to say no

If someone asks something of you, you’re allowed to say ‘no’. As I mentioned above, there might be consequences.
Look back to this blog for tips about saying ‘no’.

If saying ‘no’ feels super-uncomfortable, again, start small. Say ‘no, thanks’ to someone handing out brochures in the street. Say ‘thanks, but no’ to someone who is holding the elevator for you (as long as you’re prepared to take the stairs or wait for the next lift). Just get used to hearing the word ‘no’ in your own voice.

People are allowed to say ‘no’ to you too – and it’s not the end of the world. Check in with yourself. Is there a chance to negotiate or do you need to peacefully withdraw?

4. You’re allowed to change your mind

If you’re avoiding a decision because you think you’ll be trapped in it, think again. That might not be the case. If something changes enough that you’re uncomfortable with your original decision, ask for what you want changed.

You can front-load this too. When you are making a decision, think of the elements of it that might make you uncomfortable and check those out before giving your final decision.

Some of the things I mentioned above might be really difficult for you. If that’s the case, and you’d rather they were easier, come and work with me.